There was a time when sex after a few dates was almost unthinkable. Unlike today, the couple would either start a long-term relationship or marry one another before such intimacy would become acceptable. Those days are long gone now. We live in a way different world today, meaning sex is practically everywhere around us.
From our TV screens to urban billboards, it all seems sexualized to some extent. However, this doesn’t mean that you should keep your foot on the brake when dating your crush. Having fun and enjoying your body is a pretty positive thing, no matter what some might think. However, going straight for it, guns blazing, might prove to disappoint you by the time it ends.
Luckily for you, we’re here to talk about how many dates before sex are reasonable. We’ll explore all sorts of things and debunk some myths along the way. Of course, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it your way. So join us on this casual sex journey and inform yourself about the dos and don’ts of modern dating.
The Pros and Cons: Sex on the First Date
Firstly, it’s important to state that this article has nothing to do with judging people on how quick or easy they have sex. It all varies from person to person, meaning if it suits you — go for it! Either way, there are definite pros and cons of being intimate after your first date. So let’s check them out, shall we?
The main benefit of having sex from the get-go is fun. You’re either not interested in having a serious relationship, or you just feel like you should have some downtime, so you go about it like it’s nothing special. And yes, it’s a great way to let off some steam and enjoy yourself after a hard day. In other words — you live in the moment.
On the other hand, it could be the wrong thing to do if you’re looking for a steady partner. The thing is, it’s hard to assess someone’s overall qualities after one date. This hastiness can prove your initial thoughts about your date wrong and make you regret allowing them to come that close to you.
Therefore, it’s important to ask yourself about your expectations of your potential partner. In case you’re just looking for fun and some quick sex, do it if you feel like it. However, if you’re in for the long game, it may be better to allow yourself more time to see if they’re the person you’re looking for.
What’s the Ideal Number of Dates Before Having Sex?
We’re sure you’re aware of the famous three-date rule. Well, guess what? It doesn’t work anymore. A recent poll suggests that both men and women think that having just three dates before engaging in a sexual relationship is premature. They believe the average number of dates before sleeping together is around eight or nine.
Sure, there are still people willing to give it a shot after the first date. However, there’s a lot less of them around. This study also says that the younger you are, the more likely you’re going to end the night with a kiss. Moreover, most people expect men to initiate it. But are sex and kissing the only goals on a date?
Of course not. Some people have certain boxes they check after the night is done, like some sort of exam. Although it might seem strange, you should look for signs that will allow you to assess your potential partner’s overall character. From interests like books or movies to social views, they’re all central if you’re looking for a healthy long-term relationship with them. [READ A Single Question Can Boost Your Chance of Getting a Date]
The Signs: Your Date Wants to Do It
No doubt that talking about sex can often feel awkward. At least, that’s how most people feel about it. But how does it work on a date? Well, let’s just say you don’t need to be a clairvoyant to know if someone has sex on their mind.
Chances are you’re going to sit down with your date and have a chat about all sorts of things. From this to that, you’ll go over lots of topics and ideas. Of course, sex should come up at some point. If they tend to skip over it without acknowledging it, they might be saying more than you’d think.
People who don’t feel strongly about that type of intimacy on first dates usually don’t spend much time talking about it. They either make it clear that they don’t want to engage in it immediately, or they simply brush over the topic and skip to something else. If you feel like it, you shouldn’t hesitate to bring it up.
Was Your Date Impressed?
One of the main reasons why people have a fear of intimacy is because they don’t want to disappoint with their skills in bed. Having doubts about your performance is all too common for most of us. This unease inevitably leads to uncertainty of whether they’ll call you the next day. We know, it’s a pretty awful feeling.
However, there’s no reason to burden yourself with such thoughts. You should think about yourself too. If you felt good about it, well, that’s sometimes enough. On the other hand, if they send a text or call moments after they leave — you’ve done well. But again, it’s more important that you feel good about it. [READ How To Ace Your First Date.]
Exclusivity: Go or No Go?
Let’s say you’ve had a couple of drinks at the bar and went to your place to have sex. It was so good that you’re thinking about calling them up tomorrow. However, everything before the sex with your new partner was kind of superficial. You barely have anything in common, but they’re pretty hot and know their way in bed. So should you give them a free pass?
Well, it all depends on what’s your goal. If you’re looking for hot yet emotionless sex and nothing else — yeah, why not? There’s nothing bad with being sexually intimate with someone you’re not pursuing a traditional relationship with. We’re not trying to sound cheesy, but you can be friends with benefits if that suits your lifestyle.
On the other hand, if you’re looking for something more — what’s the point? Sure, sexual intimacy with hot partners is great and all, but it’s simply just that. Physical intimacy isn’t the same as being on the same wavelength regarding your lives. Hence, if you’re looking to fall in love with someone, but they only offer sex, maybe you should move on.