Inside the Mind of a Professional Speed Dater

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It’s no secret that most people have some experience with dating apps and websites that offer a chance to hook up with hot strangers. After all, we’re living the golden days of the digital age, and it’s completely normal to use modern tech for dating. However, online dating isn’t exactly the safest way of hooking-up. It’s a source for numerous scams, harassment, and various other problems.

Still, looking for a perfect match can and should be much safer and enjoyable. And with speed dating events, you get just that. Although this form of meeting people isn’t exactly new and fancy, like swiping left or right on your smartphone, it still gets the job done. Moreover, it makes for a great experience, no matter how successful your date ends up being.

So, in case you’re wondering how it works, we present you with direct insight from our friend, a genuine professional speed dater. He’ll take you through the ins and outs of successful one-night stands and hook-up lines. From his morning routine to eventually hooking-up, you’ll get to experience his story first hand. Strap up and hold tight — it’s going to be one hell of a ride.

D-Day Preparations

“Living a life of a professional speed dater is mostly the same as any other. The notion of being good at something doesn’t have to mean that you’re special in any way. However, people usually associate success with living an extreme lifestyle. Sure, it can be the case with some professions, but let me assure you — there’s nothing special about me.

I’m in my mid-forties, divorced, and I’m living my life like I’m back in college. Sure doesn’t sound that great, does it? Well, it’s what I enjoy, and it’s working quite nicely for me over the last ten or so years. Nevertheless, I’m pretty good at speed dating. Most of the time, I end up in bed with a different partner I met the same night. So, let me share my routine, and maybe it’ll help you hone your dating skills too.

Morning Routine

Namely, it all starts in the morning. I work from home (I have a flexible job), but I like to start my day as early as possible. So, I wake up, take a shower, have breakfast, and get some coffee. Once I’m done with my daily work, I go online and search for speed dating events in my area. Luckily, this form of meeting new people is rather popular, so I rarely go for days without going to an event.

Next up, I prepare myself. I make sure my place is nice and tidy, just in case we end up coming to my place after the dating event. Once again, I take a shower, make sure my beard is intact, and I get dressed. There’s no need for anything fancy because you don’t want to look desperate or like you’re trying too hard. In my case, I go for a slick black shirt with long sleeves, my leather jacket, and a pair of regular jeans. Lastly, I put on some discreet perfume, and I’m ready to bounce.”

Operation: Perfect Conversation Starter

“One of the things that make speed dating such a blast is that you have a limited amount of time to communicate with the person in front of you. And although it might sound strange, it’s a good thing. Why? Well, it saves you from all those awkward situations and pointless small talks you end up having with a person who’s completely not your type. You know what I’m talking about, right?

The concept of speed dating revolves around a bunch of people taking turns, talking to one another for a couple of minutes. Once you switch your seat, you either check the box next to the name of the person who was just in front of you, or you leave it blank. It all depends on if you feel like they’re your type, so you hope they check you too. However, there are certain things you can do to raise your chances of matching up.”

It’s All About Being Direct

“It’s all about the impression you make in those 5–10 minutes. But don’t worry, no cheesy pick-up lines, I promise. In my head, it’s all about being confident, cool, and just a bit cocky. So, no phrases like ’Is there something wrong with my eyes because you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen,’ or anything like that. In case you like what you see in front of you, be direct. The whole thing is about speed, and most people are looking to get laid.

So, you can always go about it like this — ’Hey, Jenny. Would you mind having a drink with me?’ On the other hand, you can be even more direct and say — ’Hey, Sarah. You seem pretty nice. Would you like to join me after the event?’ There’s no need for trying to be poetic or anything similar. The whole thing is pretty short, so try and be as direct as possible without leaving a rude impression.”

Behind Enemy Lines

“In case you find a match who’s willing to join later, chances are you’ll get them to come over to your place later. And if that’s the case, there’s no room for being a horny high school kid, dying for sex. The whole point is to stay cool and calm. Appearing like you’re desperate will immediately turn your potential partner off.

You should offer them something to drink first. After that, ask them if they enjoy music and what kind do they listen to. Be accepting about whatever their taste is and segue into something of your interest. You’re past the point of stupid, funny pick-up lines.

My tactic is to look them directly in the eyes and say — ‘I’m glad you came over because I think you’re fascinating and beautiful. Would you mind if I kissed you?’ Once again, there’s only room for consent and permission. If they don’t feel like it, that’s okay. You’ll go out next week, and you’ll do better. It’s a trial and error process.

Nevertheless, if they accept and you start kissing, chances are you’re going to bed moments after you touch each other’s tongues. But before you do, it’s time to engage in foreplay. You want to make them as comfortable as possible. So, feel their shirt, play around for a bit, make it last. My goal is to make the person I come home with feel as good as myself. After all, the more they’re comfortable with you, the better the chances you get to enjoy yourself.” 

Fire in the Hole!

“So, you’ve gone to the bedroom, and actual sex is just about to happen. If that’s the case, you’re on your own. Nah, I am just kidding. There are certain things you can do and make yourself look like a true stud. However, don’t forget to put on protection. After all, the two of you are strangers, and you never know where they’ve been before.

Not only will this help you feel safe, but it will also leave a good impression on your partner. Still, there’s no need to be quick and to try and penetrate them as soon as possible. You should go down on them and enjoy foreplay. Once it’s time, ask them if it’s okay for you to proceed (consent is key), and the rest is up to you.”

Enemy Down!

“What about the aftermath? Do you just kick them out and never call again, or you exchange phone numbers and opt to see each other? Well, it all depends on you. But in reality, there’s no need for such extreme actions. No matter how you feel about the night, you shouldn’t be a dick and escort someone out immediately. Be true gentlemen, folks.

On the other hand, if they give a girlfriend/boyfriend material clues and the two of you make a great pair, why not settle down? After all, most people end up going to speed dating events looking for long-term relationships and even marriage. It’s no secret that tons of successful couples first met at events like these.

Therefore, remember that it’s all about being confident and direct. There’s no room for cheesy pick-up lines running through your mind. Just be polite and respectful. Also, at no point is there room for doing something your partner doesn’t feel like. Make sure they consent to every action you intend to make. Like I’ve said, professional speed daters are gentlemen first.” — Jamie

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